Wednesday, November 01, 2023

Dishwasher Part 2

 Sunday night I decide that Family Home Evening on Monday would be shopping for a new dishwasher. I headed over to Lowe's with the pictures cued up on my phone. Beck and I looked for the model numbers of the dishwashers in question. We collected a nice young salesman who knew nothing about dishwashers. One of the models was on the showroom floor and within $30 of the price my mom had found. It fit the budget and I trusted her research. 

"I'll take this one," I said. 

Next to each sign in the dishwasher section was a sign that said $199 for installation. It was steep. The machine didn't even cost $600. But I'm a single mom. I knew my brother-in-law was particularly busy right now. So I decided I'd pay for the installation. 

The young man took us to the register and then left to to double check if they had the machine I wanted in stock. After 15 or so minutes he returned with good news. He had the machine, I added the necessary hoses and things for another $30. 

"Do you want it installed?" the young salesman asked. 

"Yes," I said with conviction trying not to bat an eye at the price. 

"And do you want the old one hauled away?"

"Of course." 

"That's $50." 

Here I panicked just a bit. I knew the install was $200, the haul away better not cost ANOTHER $50. The rate was steep enough I figured that should be included.  

Photo credit: Lowes.com

"The install says it's $200," I told the young man. "Doesn't that including hauling the old one away?"

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "No. It's not that much. As you can see here, the haul away is $50 and the install...." He typed a bit and made his selection. "...is $29."

I couldn't believe my good fortune! Here I'd thought the install was $199 and for just $79 I'd get my dishwasher installed AND the old one would be hauled away. 

"Really?" I challenged. The salesman tilted the screen toward me. There it was on my order, just $79 for everything. "That's great!" My enthusiasm was growing. 

And the news just kept getting better. "When do you want it installed?" the salesman asked. I have times on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I was blown away. I could get it installed on Wednesday? It was Monday and I'd only need to wait two days and I'd have my dishwasher. 

"You can really do this Wednesday?" I said incredulously. He tilted his screen. There it was 8am to 8pm, a Wednesday delivery. "I'll take Wednesday!"

I was ecstatic. The installation was less than half of the expected price and I'd have my machine in my home ready to go in just two days!

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

A Rose by Any Other Name

 Shakespeare famously wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I've been thinking a lot lately about what's in a name. What value. For over 26 years now, I've been Jenna Wood. But I am thinking about and preparing to change my name back to Jenna Harris. 

I love the Wood family and have wanted to be careful not to hurt them. I miss them and wish I could see them more often. But here's the thing. My former spouse is engaged and his fiancĂ©e's name starts with a J. And it suddenly seems too much--like I could get mixed up with her. It will be weird to say the name I only had for 21 years again. 

I remember when I got married, I was so angry at my parents and I was glad to be rid of Harris. But now, those are the people who have stood by me through thick and thin. It's my original name and I'm eager to reclaim it. 

Will I be the same person? 

In one sense I will and in one sense I won't. And I'm eager to try it out. I hope it feels like peace and comfort and coming home. But I also know it will feel a little like loss. I've coped with so much loss already, I think it might be time to step into the loss and see if there isn't a little growth on the other side. 

In preparation for my name change, I've changed the name of the blog. Introducing, Jenna's Jots, the perfect title to go with any last name. 

Sunday, October 29, 2023

Dishwasher Part 1

 Something like nine years ago, we redid our kitchen, main bathroom and living room. When we did this, we got new appliances. One was a stainless steel dishwasher my spouse (now former spouse) picked up for song. He had to drive 40 minutes up and down a mountain canyon, but he got a dishwasher for something like $250. It was insanely cheap even at the time. 

He installed the dishwasher even running to the store to get additional parts. Then we ran it. And the dishes came out dirty. "We can't keep this," I remember tell him. "It has to be returned." But it was installed, the canyon, etc. all made Wendell unwilling to return the dishwasher. So for nine, long years I've dealt with a dishwasher that does not clean the dishes. Several things had broken down over the years and Wendell dutifully replaced the upper washer arm and the door that held the soap. But after he'd moved out, the dishwasher started breaking down again. Nearly half of the bottom rack would not clean anything. An error message was a permeant part of the display. 

One of the things my former spouse was good at, is researching quality appliances. But so is my mom. I had neither the time nor the interest in doing the necessary research and delegated this responsibility to her. My mom happily took up the task and as the spots in the dishwasher that did not clean grew, my mom texted me the results. She had three machines she recommended. All could be purchased at a local home improvement store for somewhere between $550 and $800. 

In the final straw, the dishwasher began leaking.  It's final Sunday a pretty good sized puddle got the attention of our young cat, Smokey. Getting his attention, drew my attention. At that point the dishwasher was turned off and became an expensive drying rack. It was time to go shopping. 


Sunday, March 19, 2023

Expect the Best; Plan for the Worst

 I've thought a lot recently about how we teach children about marriage. Marriage is a huge focus for Latter-day Saints. But I think we fall prey to several of false teachings about marriage. 

1) There is a timeline. 

2) Once you're married you live happily ever after. 

3) Your spouse will never change.

4) Even if there are major problems, you should stay married because you made a commitment. 

First, there is no timeline. You have not failed if you're not married in your twenties. God's timing is the best timing and that timing is not the same for everyone. What is important is finding someone with great character, loyalty, and values. 

When I was in Young Women's we were taught to write a list of what we wanted in a spouse including height, hair color, etc. Physical characteristics don't matter. What does matter is shared values, conscientiousness, kindness, and how they make you feel.  It is far, far better to spend time finding the right person, dating them for long enough that you feel like they're well vetted and then marry. It's not a race and the youngest person to marry doesn't win. Take your time. Grow your own talents. Don't settle for less than you deserve. 

Second, let's talk about the Disney effect. As children we were told (or watched) a lot of stories where the romance ends with a marriage. It is assumed that everything after the marriage is happy and easy; the hard part is finding a spouse and getting married. It reminds me of the joke where a young bride says to her mother, "I'm at the end of all my troubles." 

"Yes, dear," says the mother. "But which end?" 

As anyone who has been married knows, marriage is a lot of work. It takes open communication, both partners being able to bring up and talk about hard things, and getting through a lot of the mundane day-to-day life, figuring out a division of labor, financial ups and downs, and more. Marriage can also be a lot of fun. You have inside jokes, you can delight and surprise one another, you have someone to snuggle, and in a good marriage, your spouse has your back. In the bible dictionary, it says, "Prayer is a form of work." So is marriage. It's worth it, but it's work. 

Third, all people change. Some couples have the good fortune that their spouse changes in the same direction they do. But not everyone has that good fortune. In the church, people often say, "Marrying my spouse was the best decision I ever made." But what they mean is, "I've had the good fortune that my spouse and I have changed in ways where we still have the same values." 

My former spouse was living a double life. It was his lying and deception (and putting my life at risk) that ended our marriage. I can also tell you that the young man who stepped off the plane from Brazil in December of 1996 would never have done the things that the man I divorced did. The man I divorced was not in any way the man I married. He changed overtime in a totally different direction. 

Fourth, no one should have to stay in a bad marriage. This is the part of our lessons that are the most lacking as members of The Church of Jesus Christ. We need to expect the best, but plan for the worst. We will often talk in financial classes about preparing for the death of a spouse, but we need to be equally ready for divorce. Just like I talked about in my last post about knowing our dealbreakers, we should be prepared in the event that dealbreakers surface. 

Every woman should have a savings account in her name only. It should hold no less than half of the family's savings. She should complete her education and keep a toe in her chosen field so that if she needs to she can immediately go back to work full time. She should have a credit card in her name. 

I'll tell you that for me, doing these things made me feel more secure in my marriage, not less. When I went back to school for my Master's degree, I knew that I had a path out if I needed it and staying in my marriage was a choice. Simultaneously, when I learned of my husband's poor decisions, I was in a position to immediately leave.  He moved out Feb 17, 2022. On Feb 13, 2023, less than a year later,  I had a Master's degree and good job.